Lessons in


Bryan Bell

- Chapter 13 -


It is hopeless to say, "Never get angry."  Anger is such a normal human emotion that even the Bible recognizes this as a fact.  The important point is how the anger is handled by the individual, and there are a variety of ways to do that.Controlling Anger, Getting Angry, Rage, Enraged, Ire

One aspect of anger is that it can be an effective method of control, that is control over situations and control over people.  It can overpower the opposition, and it can create timidity and even fear on the part of other people so that they dare not cross or disagree with the angry one.  But this kind of behavior can be harmful, and even devastating to relationships.  It also brings about an unhealthy situation in which other employees, friends, or family members get together to plan how to circumvent the problems created by the angry one, which means that he or she is detrimentally excluded from councils which clearly are of the utmost importance.

In many cases, it is wise to consider the person more than the issue.  One may win an argument, but the other individual may be hurt and alienated.  People frequently get so involved with the subject at hand that this is a fact which escapes them.  Children complain about an angry parent, and, in later years when they look back, they hardly remember the issues, but they do remember the anger.

It is tragic when a person is afflicted with what is called floating hostility.  This is hostility which is on the surface or just below the surface and which frequently erupts.  It can spew out on a family member or a fellow worker, or on the people one comes in contact with every day: the waiter, the gas station attendant, or the salesperson.  The angry one justifies his or her anger by the event, "He deserved it; look what he did.", ignoring the fact that it causes hurt feelings.  The angry one either does not realize it or does not care. Floating Hostility, Anger, Ire, Hurt Feelings

There is another interesting aspect to floating hostility, which relates to the Type A person, as described by cardiac researchers.  They found that certain people with identifiable personality characteristics were more prone to heart attacks.  They analyzed them as being individuals who work hard, are conscious of time, are ambitious, and who become angry easily.  With time and further research, however, some researchers concluded that floating hostility was the most important factor in causing premature heart attacks for Type A's.  It does something to the insides.

On occasions, anger can serve a useful purpose.  When a person has something stuck in his or her craw, it should come out, and it may take anger for the person to spill it.  If it is followed by an exchange of emotion and a rational follow-up, though, it can be beneficial.

At various times, as there are cyclical swings in the field of psychiatry, patients are encouraged to express their anger, to "let their feelings out."  A pat phrase is, "My emotions should be validated."  Clearly, if one's feelings are bottled up and the person does not have reasonable freedom to express them, the situation should be addressed, and many a person has been helped by therapy in this regard.  But we have also seen situations in which the "Express-your-anger" concept has been overdone, and has been taken as a license to let fly, to the detriment of relationships.  This questionable method is frequently used to control other people, perhaps unconsciously.

Can a person modify one's excessive anger and floating hostility to benefit relationships?  It depends on how much he or she values the relationships.  But, even more, it depends on the ability to identify the problem and the willingness to change.  People have such a capacity for self-anesthesia that they often are not aware of some of the things they are doing in life.  Individuals with floating hostility continually justify it by citing the situations that confront them, rather than realizing it is their attitude that brings them trouble.

Centuries ago Aristotle said it best, "Anyone can become angry - that is easy.  But to be angry at the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy."

Some people justify their actions with the classic inevitability theory: "My father was angry.  I was born angry.  I am angry.  I will continue to be angry."  However, with the identification of the problem and the desire, behavior can be modified.  After all, there are people who formerly got angry very easily, and who do not any more!  And there are those who dropped other unfortunate characteristics which their parents had, such as overweight, excessive drinking, and unfaithfulness and which they at one time thought were dictated by birth.  Despite what some people think, such personal traits are not irrevocably inherited.

It is an interesting fact that some people mellow in life and others become more cantankerous.  It shows that change either way is possible.

overcoming and controlling your angerListening, Hearing, Understanding, Communicate, Communicating, Communication, Laziness, Messages, Hearing, Speakers, Emotions, Understands, Understanding, Learns, Learning, Talking, Talks, Agreeing, Agreements, Agrees, Disagreeing, Disagreements, DisagreeLessons in Lifemanship, gaining control of your anger
Chapter 12Chapter 12 Home Chapter 14Chapter 14
1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20   21   22
23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33   34   35   36   37   38   39   40   41
Contents Table of
Acknowledgments Top Top
Lessons in Lifemanship - IndexIndex
The author would be most grateful
for your responses and comments.
About the author
About the Author

Permission is given to reproduce any or all parts of this book.
The author's wish is to share this with others
with the hope that it will be of help to as many people as possible.

Don't forget to bookmark this page!
Click 'Bookmarks', then 'Add Bookmark'
to bookmark this page.

If you would like a printed copy of this chapter, just click on the "Print this page" icon or your browser's "Print" button.  To print the entire book, just view each chapter in sequence and print it.

Links Webmasters,
If you like this site,
please link to it.
The author would really appreciate it!
If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
Lessons in Lifemanship

If you like this book, you will also enjoy

An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army
by Bryan Bell

relationships, dependence, concern, benefit, life, living, Lifemanship, Experiences, Determination,  mutual dependence helpful advice
This site is best viewed with Netscape Communicator.
Download Netscape Now!   Download Netscape nowOrder Netscape on CD-ROM
Download Netscape Now!  or  Order Netscape on CD-ROM!
Be notified of page updates
it's private
powered by
Top 50 Christian Sites
Vote for this site!
Ultimate Top 50
Please Rate My Site:
Top 100 Great Christian Sites
Click here to vote for this page as a Starting Point Hot Site.
Click here to vote for this page as a pMonkey.com Hot Site.

relationships, concern, benefit, life, living, Lifemanship, Experiences, Determination,  mutual dependence

Labeled with ICRA
This website is protected by Wpoison  (Link for robots)
NetMechanicNetMechanic: Power Tools for Your Web Site

Family relationships, Childrearing, Parenting, children, parents Acknowledgement, acknowledgment Active listening two-way communication with children Bryan Bell, author Asking for good advice and help Lessons in Lifemanship awards Bryan Bell, Lessons in Lifemanship wise principles Improving board and committee meetings Psychology, self-help, motivation Avoid problems in family inheritance caused by sibling rivalries, greed, spouses and lawyers. Heir, heirship, taxes, tax, inheritance, estate, death, will, probate court Avoid controversies, solve personal and family problems Choose your battleground Solve problems, disputes and disagreements through mediation. Evaluating job applicants choosing volunteer and non-profit service Opportunities for serving on a board, non-profit service Improve relationship between parents and children Improving relationships with parents and children How to improve employee relationships! How to Improve Family Relationships Choose a vocation based on job market, ability, interests and temperament; avoid mistakes looking for a job; find satisfaction and enjoyment in your chosen vocation. The art of listening, how to listen more effectively! Listening more effectively! Relationships, family, children, self-improvement Improving personal relationships Popular psychology, self-help, self-improvement Improve family relationships Relationships and how to improve them Relationships in your family Improving relationships Relationships with children Sharing Success: succeeds, sucess, succeeding, successful, sucessful, win, winning, winners Guidance choosing vocations, job directions, vocational directions An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army Memoirs of a soldier in World War II An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army An Infantry Platoon Leader in Patton's Army Bryan-Bell Bryan Bell enterpreneurship family disputes find a job info get a job info good job info good jobs good employees inheritance job hunting Lessons in Lifemanship Lessons in Lifemanship Lessons in Lifemanship resolve conflicts resolve disputes resolving conflicts resolving disputes Sam Hills, computer consultant CASS Certification saves postage Put your church on the World Wide Web Free stuff, freebies Interesting links bargains, deals Office supplies and computers Publish your book on the World Wide Web Sam Hills, computer consultant Legal disclaimer free money free money for me Saving postage with CASS Certification CASS Certification to reduce postage rates Piano lessons by Victoria Hills - First piano lesson free!
Web page design by Sam Hills  e-mail:
Tuesday, 19-Aug-2008 04:49:37 MST